Is your teen a perfectionist? Signs to help you identify teen perfectionism and when to get help.

With societal pressures and the focus on achievement and success, it’s not uncommon for teens to struggle with perfectionism. Teen perfectionism refers to the tendency of teenagers to set excessively high standards for themselves and strive for flawlessness in various aspects of their lives. Teens struggling with perfectionism have a strong belief that perfect performance = achievement and success. 

While having high standards can be beneficial in motivating adolescents to be high-achievers and performers, perfectionistic teens work towards obtaining the best scores and the highest grades at the expense of their mental health and overall well-being. 

Perfectionism can cause heightened stress and anxiety due to an intense fear of failure, making mistakes, or not being good enough. Many perfectionistic teens struggle significantly with motivation and engage in avoidance coping (not joining a group, sport, or extracurricular activity for fear not being the best, waiting until the last minute to complete a big project or assignment, and doom scrolling social media for hours instead of working on homework) because the fear of failure is so overwhelming, it’s often paralyzing. 

Teenage perfectionism can manifest in various ways. If you’re wondering if your teen is experiencing difficulties due to perfectionistic tendencies, here are some common signs to help you identify teen perfectionism:

1. High self-imposed standards: Teens with perfectionistic tendencies often set extremely high standards for themselves in various areas of their lives, such as academics, extracurricular activities, appearance, or friendships. Teenagers may feel intense pressure to achieve perfection in several areas and may be overly critical of their own performance.

Examples: maintaining a perfect GPA, participating in multiple extracurricular activities, and striving for leadership positions in clubs or sports.

2. Setting unrealistic expectations: Teens with perfectionistic tendencies often set unattainable goals for themselves, leading to constant feelings of dissatisfaction and self-criticism.

Examples: expecting to always achieve straight A's, excelling in every extracurricular activity, maintaining a flawless appearance, and obtaining the perfect social life.

3. Fear of failure: Perfectionistic adolescents may have an intense fear of making mistakes or failing. They may avoid taking risks or trying new things due to the fear of not meeting their own or others' expectations.

Examples: fear of failing a test or not meeting academic expectations, fear of not performing well in a game or competition, and fear of rejection from peers.

4. Excessive self-criticism: Perfectionistic teens tend to be overly self-critical and have a harsh inner dialogue. They may be quick to blame themselves for any perceived shortcomings or wrongdoings, even if they’re not that big of a deal.

Examples: negative self-talk and self-blame, and constantly focused on perceived flaws or mistakes (criticize themselves for not achieving perfect grades, constantly compare themselves to peers, criticize their appearance, focus on imperfections, and experience insecurities about their body image).

5. Procrastination and avoidance: Some perfectionistic teenagers may struggle with procrastination or avoidance tendencies. They may delay starting or completing tasks or projects because they fear not being able to meet their own high standards. This can lead to increased stress and anxiety.

Examples: putting off studying until the last minute, delaying an assignment until the deadline is near, and avoiding difficult conversations with teachers, peers or parents.

6. Difficulty accepting criticism: Adolescents with perfectionism may have difficulty accepting constructive criticism or feedback. They may take any criticism personally and view it as a reflection of their worth or abilities.

Examples: difficulties accepting constructive feedback from teachers, coaches or peers regarding schoolwork and performance, and feeling defensive or resistant to change based on others' criticism.

7. Emotional distress: Perfectionistic teens may experience feelings of frustration, disappointment, or dissatisfaction when they perceive themselves as falling short of their own expectations.

8. Negative impact on mental health: Teen perfectionism is often associated with increased levels of stress, anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.

Examples: constantly worried about making mistakes, feeling overwhelmed by the need to meet expectations, struggling with feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness, and feelings of loneliness or isolation.

It is important to note that occasional perfectionistic tendencies are common among teenagers. However, if these signs continue and significantly impact a teen's well-being or ability to engage in normal daily functioning, it may be beneficial to seek support from a mental health professional who can provide guidance and strategies for managing perfectionism in ways that are healthier for your teen.

Recognizing the warning signs is vital in helping teens get the support they need, so they can manage their perfectionism and cope with the daily stressors of life. We specialize in counseling teens experiencing heightened stress and anxiety due to perfectionistic tendencies. If you’re interested in learning more about our practice and how we can be of support, visit our website: prausgudianceandhealing.com

If your teen is struggling with perfectionism, we’d love to be of support. We offer a complimentary 15-minute phone consultation to ensure we’re a good fit. Complete the contact form on our website to get in touch. We’d love to hear from you!

Please note: We are no longer seeing teens at our practice. We will happily provide referrals and resources upon request.

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